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Are You SO STAUNTON? 42 Questions.

May 4, 2016

I had various roommates in college at JMU. There was one guy who always called me “Staunton.” He was from urban Delaware and always loved for me to tell him stories about growing up in Staunton. He knew I had a good foundation and was heading to Richmond after school, so I think he always felt it appropriate to poke fun at my little rural town, but deep down I just think he liked hearing about the quality of growing up where I did. Though I have lived elsewhere for a long time know, I am guilty as charged - I am still SO STAUNTON. Are you? I am 42 years old now. Here are 42 questions to ask yourself, and if any apply, you are SO STAUNTON!

1. If you have ever said “It would be quicker to cut over through Pill Hill,” you might be So Staunton.

2. If you have ever ordered a “suicide” after a little league baseball game, you might be So Staunton.

3. If you have ever ridden a mini-train and “tapped the tank” in the storage barn to see if sparks fly, you might be So Staunton.

4. If you understand what the Shakin, Ruggles, and Mulligans Thursday night tour is all about, you might be So Staunton.

5. If you have ever participated in a game of “cup-ball,” you might be So Staunton.

6. If you have ever driven behind a college dormitory in an attempt to see hot, rich college girls, you might be So Staunton.

7. If you ever negotiated a baseball card deal with a mysterious man named Robert L, you might be So Staunton.

8. If you have ever “made-out” on a golf course while listening to the Statler Brothers live in concert in the background, you might be So Staunton.

9. If you know who Paul Eye or Kenny Bosserman are, you might be So Staunton.

10. If you have ever purchased Kitch’n-Cooked potato chips by the bucket, you might be So Staunton.

11. If you ever played on unsafe red “brick-crete” dinasours at an outdoor shopping center, you might be So Staunton.

12. If you have ever witnessed Santa jumping out of an airplane above that same shopping center, you might be So Staunton.

13. If you have ever gone door-to-door selling Kiwanis peanuts, you might be so Staunton.

14. If you have ever attempted to score a free Coke by pretending to shop for furniture, you might be So Staunton.

15. If you have ever “snuck” a Hot-N-Now burger into a movie theater, you might be So Staunton.

16. If you have ever burned a tank of gas by driving up and down “the avenue” just to see who is doing the same, you might be So Staunton.

17. If you have ever purchased a refreshing soda from The Pop Shop, you might be So Staunton.

18. If you have ever spent an hour or more riding escalators at a downtown department store, you might be So Staunton.

19. If you ever had dinner at Harry’s, the Dime Store, Sambo’s, Bonanza, the Legend, or Rosa’s Cantina, you might be So Staunton.

20. If you have ever tuned into an AM station to hear your favorite local band play for a Rescue Squad fundraiser, you might be So Staunton.

21. If you have ever spent more money playing Pac Man than on pizza after a football game, you might be so Staunton.

22. If “feeding the ducks” is something that still seems exciting to you, you might be So Staunton.

23. If you have ever pursued a Braves autograph (or player) you might be So Staunton.

24. If you ever purchased a 33 or cassette at the Record Corner, you might be So Staunton.

25. If you have ever travelled out of town to see the “powder puff race” or a “demolition derby” at Eastside Speedway, you might be So Staunton.

26. If a “wrastling” match at the Armory ever got you fired up, you might be So Staunton.

27. If you ever bought fat laces from A&N, you might be so Staunton.

28. If Dr. Harrison delivered you or if Dr. Harmon provided you medical care, you might be so Staunton.

29. If you climbed hills to play golf for $50 a year as a teen, you might be So Staunton.

30. If you ever worked out at the Racquet Club, you might be So Staunton.

31. If your prom night included dinner at McCormick’s, the Depot, Rowe’s, the Pullman, or Holiday Inn on the mountain, you might be So Staunton.

32. If you’ve ever seen Mike Madden, Kevin Madden, or Reggie Waddy slam dunk, you might be So Staunton.

33. I you have ever driven down Selma Boluevard at night just out of curiosity, you might be So Staunton.

34. If you can easily play the 2 degrees of Dupont employees game, you might be So Staunton.

35. If you think Jiffy Mart will forever outlast the big grocery chains, you might be So Staunton.

36. If you had your first cell phone account with CFW, you might be So Staunton.

37. If you have eaten more than 10 foot-long hot dogs from Wright’s in your life, you might be So Staunton.

38. If you have ever stayed up all night in a line with your lawn chairs, you might be So Staunton.

39. If you ever received a Christmas gift from Sears Surplus, you might be So Staunton.

40. If your parent’s ever asked that you please stay away from the Stonewall Jackson and Roaring 20’s side of the library, you might be So Staunton.

41. If you have ever been “pulled over” and “let go” because somebody owed somebody a favor, you might be So Staunton.

42. And finally - if you have never been to the Woodrow Wilson Birthplace or the Frontier Culture Museum, you might be SO STAUNTON.

Guilty? Let me know if you are.

Until next week,
Chris